Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
