.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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