A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You made out with two different species that night
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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