the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
