Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
