After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
