so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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