Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I have fence marks all over my body
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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