Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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