I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
