My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
