i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
