There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Randomize
