Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
