Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I got her a Nickelback box set.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Randomize
