There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
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