That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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