you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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