You're so nebulous sometimes
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Randomize
