Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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