yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
