so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
