I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
