Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
