i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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