Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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