i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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