If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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