You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
