Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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