Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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