Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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