I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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