He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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