Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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