If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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