it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
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