I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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