My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
