you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
