Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
smell my finger.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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