I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
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