i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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