I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
