K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Randomize
