I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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