This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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