My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
