Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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