She said her name was "party"
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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