If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
