Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
They took my balls.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
