So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
