They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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