I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
