I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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