how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
