Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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