As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
