just tell him i said nine months
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
