summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
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