She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize