i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
