just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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