when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
