So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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