Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
