I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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