I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
