I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
