they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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