Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
