Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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